Episode 310 | Being closed off was RUINING US

Hey, y'all! Today I want to dive into something that's been on my heart for a while—vulnerability in relationships. Now, I know some of y'all might be rolling your eyes, thinking, "Here we go with that touchy-feely stuff," but hear me out. This is about getting real and breaking down those walls we've built around ourselves.

Let's talk about being closed off to your spouse or partner. I've been there, and let me tell you, it's like trying to drive with the parking brake on—you ain't going nowhere fast. Being vulnerable, though? That's where the magic happens. It's about letting someone see the real you, the messy, imperfect you. And yeah, it's scary as hell, but it's also where intimacy and connection thrive.

Now, I'm not just talking just to talk. I've been working on this in my own life, and it's been a game-changer. It's not just about opening up to your partner, either. It's about being real with your friends, your family, and even yourself. It's about having those tough conversations, admitting when you're wrong, and asking for what you need.

But let's keep it real—vulnerability comes with risks. You might get hurt, you might face rejection, but you know what? That's all part of the deal. It's like jumping off a dresser as a kid (not that I'm endorsing that, please don't sue me). You might fall, but you also might fly. And even if you do fall, you'll learn something from it.

I've been reading and researching this topic, and I've come to realize that being vulnerable is not just a personal thing; it's a societal thing. We're living in a world that's obsessed with perfection, where everyone's trying to put their best foot forward on social media. But what if we showed the real, unfiltered version of ourselves? What if we shared our struggles and our victories, not just the highlight reel?

In my journey, I've had to face some hard truths. I've had to admit that I was afraid of conflict, that I was a people-pleaser, and that I was holding back from being fully myself. It's been a process, but I'm learning to embrace vulnerability, to see it as a strength, not a weakness.

So, what's the takeaway from all this? It's simple. Be real. Be you. Let people in. It might be uncomfortable, it might be messy, but it's also the path to deeper connections and a more authentic life.

Now, I want to hear from you. What's been your experience with vulnerability? Have you found it challenging? Liberating? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and let's keep the conversation going.

Episode 309 | Fix your marriage! Look at yourself first...

The Mirror of Marriage: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Vulnerability

Hey, y’all

Let's get real for a moment. Marriage is more than just a union of two hearts. It's a journey of self-discovery, a dance of vulnerability, and a mirror that reflects our deepest truths. Today, I want to share some insights from my journey and how looking at ourselves first can be the key to fixing our marriages before they break.

The Power of Self-Awareness

When I think back to the early days of my marriage, I wish I had known more about myself. It's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of love and forget that marriage is also about two individuals growing together. I was so focused on being the perfect wife and building my career that I lost sight of my passions and interests. It's crucial to invest time in understanding who you are, what you love, and what makes you tick. This self-awareness not only enriches your life but also adds depth and color to your marriage.

Embracing Vulnerability

One thing my husband and I have learned over the years is the importance of vulnerability. It's the bridge that connects our hearts and allows us to share our deepest fears, desires, and dreams. But it wasn't always easy. There were times when we both struggled to open up, fearing judgment or rejection. However, we realized that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. It's about trusting your partner with your true self and knowing that you're safe in their hands.

The Dance of Communication

Communication is the heartbeat of marriage. But it's not just about talking; it's about sharing your authentic self. I used to be afraid of expressing my feelings, worried about how my husband would react. But keeping silent only built walls between us. We've learned that being open and honest, even when it's uncomfortable, is the key to understanding and supporting each other. It's a dance of give and take, where both partners need to be willing to listen, empathize, and grow together.

The Mirror Effect

Marriage has a way of mirroring our deepest insecurities and flaws. It's like holding up a mirror to our souls and seeing both the beauty and the scars. This can be confronting, but it's also a gift. It allows us to see ourselves through our partner's eyes and work on areas we might have ignored. My husband and I have had our fair share of arguments, but each one has been an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and each other.

The Journey of Growth

As we approach a decade of marriage, I'm amazed at how much we've grown, both individually and as a couple. We've learned to embrace our differences, celebrate our strengths, and support each other through our weaknesses. It's a journey that requires patience, forgiveness, and a whole lot of love. But it's worth every step.

So, to those of you who are just starting this journey or are in the thick of it, remember to look at yourself first. Invest in self-discovery, embrace vulnerability, communicate openly, and be prepared to grow. Marriage is a beautiful dance, and when you're in sync with your partner, it's a dance that can last a lifetime.

So, I want to know. What's one thing you've learned about yourself through your marriage? And how has vulnerability played a role in your relationship?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let's continue to support and learn from each other on this beautiful journey of love and growth.

Until next time, stay focused.

Episode 308 | Living Apart, Together?

In the whirlwind of modern life, where everything from our phones to our food is customizable, it seems like even the sacred institution of marriage isn't immune to the winds of change. Recently, we stumbled upon a conversation that got us thinking deep about what it means to be truly together in a marriage. In this conversation we touched on something that seems to be a growing trend – the idea of married couples living separately.

The New Wave: Living Apart Yet Married

Here's the deal: some folks out there are entertaining the idea that even after tying the knot, they can keep their separate pads, living apart while still being married. Now, you might think, "Hey, that's cool, do you!" But hold up, let's unpack this. Isn't marriage supposed to be about uniting, about becoming one? About sharing not just your hearts but your space, your daily lives? I mean, that’s truly what intimacy is; more than just physical proximity.

Intimacy isn't just about being physically close; it's about sharing those little moments, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's about waking up to each other's messy hair and morning breath, about navigating the tightrope of shared chores, and yes, about those cozy nights and lazy Sundays together. Can you genuinely build and grow that kind of intimacy if you're clocking out to separate addresses at the end of the day?

The Cultural Shift and Its Implications

We're living in times where individuality is celebrated, which is fantastic. But are we pushing it to the point where it starts to encroach on the fundamental essence of togetherness in marriage? Anthony pointed out something crucial – with culture constantly evolving, we are inadvertently setting ourselves up for relationships that lack depth and real connection, especially if we keep trying to push these newer and unvetted narratives. It can often be dangerous if we’re moving and thinking with just our hearts… what we “feel” is right. It’s why Scripture talks about “the heart being deceitful above all things. How can we know it?”

The Power of Presence in a Marriage

Now, let's be real. Everyone needs their space, their me-time. But there's a world of difference between finding your little corner of peace in a shared home and living entirely separate lives. As Essence rightly said, marriage is a commitment, a journey you embark on together. It's about facing the world side by side, not zip code by zip code. We should at least always remember something vital – the original blueprint of marriage. In a world where trends come and go, where the new is always seemingly better, sometimes sticking to the fundamentals, to the simplicity of togetherness, is revolutionary in its own right.

So, what's your take on this? Is living separately the new frontier in marriage, or are we drifting away from the true essence of being together? Share your thoughts, experiences, and let's dive into this conversation.

Until we meet again, keep embracing your journey, whether it's together under one roof or navigating the complexities of modern love.

Episode 307 | Rest & Faith

Hey y'all,

So, check this. in this episode we kind of got into a little of everything – the heart, the soul, and yeah, the wallet too. We unpacked a lot about our journey together, and honestly, it was a really good. Let’s walk through it.

Love is a Trip, And Who Said Trips are Easy?

Here's the thing about relationships: they're like those road trips where you don't always have the map, but you've got the destination in mind. We realized our relationship is this ever-evolving journey. We've had to navigate through some rough patches, sure, but that's where the growth happens. It's like every disagreement, every misunderstanding, was actually setting us up to understand each other better.

We've learned to find our rhythm. It's about those moments when you're like, "Okay, I see you," and you adjust, you adapt. It's never about changing who we are, but about evolving together, you feel me?

What has made the world of difference, though, is our faith. For us, faith is not just about what happens in a church building. It's about how we live out those beliefs day-to-day… with each other especially. It's been the glue when things got messy, the light when things looked dim. Our faith has shown us how to back each other up, to pull strength from God.

We've had those moments, but God kept us anchored. It's taught us to see the best in each other, to keep pushing even when it's tempting to pull back.

Let's Talk Money – Keeping It Real and Right

Alright, onto the real talk – managing our finances. This part of the journey’s been interesting, for real. While we both have always been about saving, making sure every dollar is doing the most. One of us is a little more, let's say, 'free' with the spending than the other. What we've learned is this: it's all about balance and understanding.

We had to find a middle ground with our money. It's like mixing that saving-savvy mindset with the freedom to enjoy life. We've been learning how to make financial decisions that reflect both our values and our dreams. It's not just saving for a rainy day; it's also enjoying the sunshine right now. This is really where the mindset of truly being able to have faith in God comes in to play.

One thing we realized, that helps a lot, is how crucial it is to have shared goals. It's like setting the coordinates in your GPS – you both know where you're heading, and you work together to get there. Whether it's about stacking our coins, planning for our future, or just personal aspirations, having these mutual goals has given us direction. It also builds on our intimacy because we get to talk about these goals and the journey on the way to them together as well.

It's not always smooth; sometimes, we gotta recalibrate, adjust our plans. But the key is doing it together. It's about being co-captains on this voyage of life.

Rolling With the Changes – It's All Part of the Ride

Now, here's a major key – embracing change. Life's gonna throw curveballs, and how we swing at them is what matters. We've learned to be open to change, to adapt. Whether it's habits, financial decisions, or just our perspectives, being flexible has been vital.

It's about recognizing that change isn't a threat; it's an opportunity to grow, to become even stronger together. It's about keeping our eyes on the prize and remembering that every step, every shift, is part of our journey.

So there you have it.

But what about you? How are you navigating your relationships, your beliefs, and your money matters? Drop a comment, let's exchange some wisdom.

Until the next time, keep loving, keep believing, and keep your money game tight!

Episode 306 | Quitting Well…

Hey y'all, it's Anthony. Today, I want to share a bit of the craziness Essence and I have been experiencing at the time of writing this. It's about those life moments – the ones that test you, teach you, and transform you.

Parenting: The Unexpected Turns

We've been on this parenting journey, right? And, man, it's nothing short of a wild ride. Recently, our four-year-old decided sleeping alone wasn't his thing anymore. We've been navigating this new phase, trying to understand his needs while also balancing our own. Through all of this we’ve been learning and accepting that parenting is like being on a constant learning curve, and it's always throwing something new at you.

The Power of Vulnerability

One thing that has helped us with that parenting and many other aspects of our lives is learning what it means to be vulnerable. Here's the deal about vulnerability: it's tough but necessary. Essence and I have been leaning into it, and let me tell you, it's been a game-changer. It's about shedding the layers, being open, and really seeing each other. This level of honesty brings us closer and strengthens our bond. It's not just about airing out our worries but also about celebrating our victories, no matter how small.

Faith: Our Guiding Light

In moments of self-doubt and reflection, our faith has been our anchor. I had this moment where I questioned my path, wondering if I'm just a quitter, jumping from one thing to another. Essence, with her insight, reminded me that it's not about sticking to something for the sake of it. It's about following God's plan for us. That perspective – understanding that our journeys are divinely orchestrated – brought clarity and peace.

The Journey of Growth and Support

Having each other's back through life's ups and downs is a blessing. Whether it's dealing with our son's changing habits or exploring our personal growth, having that support system is invaluable. It's about understanding, supporting, and growing together.

Reflections and Realizations

Our recent discussions have led to some profound realizations. Like how our actions, even when they seem small, can sow seeds for the future. How ending one chapter isn't quitting but rather moving in obedience to God's plan. And how, in a culture that often glorifies constant hustle, it's okay to pause, reflect, and change course as needed.

In this journey of ours, it's a mix of embracing the unpredictable nature of parenting, the strength found in vulnerability, being ok with where God has us and is leading us, and the guiding light of faith. It's about balancing life, growing together as a family, and staying true to ourselves and our beliefs.

I'm Curious:

• Have you faced moments in parenting that caught you off guard? How did you navigate them?

• How has being vulnerable impacted your relationships and personal growth?

• In what ways has your faith influenced your life choices, especially during uncertain times?

I'd love to hear your stories and perspectives. Drop a comment and let's keep the conversation going, supporting each other through this journey called life.

Episode 305 | The “Standards” Trap

Navigating the world of relationships as a millennial is like playing a game where the rules keep changing. We're constantly bombarded with societal expectations and cultural norms that don't always align with our individual experiences or desires. It's time we talk about this, break down some of these expectations, and pave our own path in the world of love and relationships.

Beyond the 'Perfect Partner' Checklist

Let’s start with this idea of the 'perfect partner' that society often shoves down our throats. You know the drill: they gotta look a certain way, come from a certain background, tick all these boxes. But let’s keep it real – aren’t we losing sight of what truly matters? A partner's worth shouldn't be measured by their ability to meet a set of superficial standards. It’s about finding someone who complements your vibe, shares your values, and supports your dreams; every sense of the scripture that calls us to be “equally yoked”. We need to challenge these norms and define for ourselves what qualities are non-negotiable in our partners.

Cutting Through Dating Stereotypes

Dating stereotypes – we’ve all seen them, and maybe even laughed at them. But deep down, these stereotypes can influence how we perceive potential partners. There's this image of the ‘ideal’ relationship that often gets portrayed in the media, but how often does that reflect our reality? It's time to cut through the noise and embrace our individual preferences in love. It's about being authentic in our choices and not letting stereotypes dictate who we should be with.

Redefining 'Relationship Goals'

Our feeds are full of 'relationship goals,' but let's pause and think – are these goals realistic, or are they setting us up for disappointment? True relationships aren’t just about looking good together or having the perfect story. They're about building something real and meaningful, something that stands the test of time and grows with us. It's about finding that person who's in it for the long haul, who understands the struggles and triumphs of millennial dating in today's world.

The Importance of Self-Discovery

Before jumping into a relationship, it’s crucial to know who you are and what you stand for. Self-discovery is a journey that many of us might overlook in our rush to find 'the one.' But understanding our own values, goals, and dreams is essential to forming healthy relationships. It’s about bringing your whole self to the table and finding someone who resonates with that authenticity.

Seeking Authentic Connections

At the heart of it all, what matters most is authenticity. In a world where appearances are often valued more than substance, it’s vital to seek connections that go beyond the surface. It's about finding someone who gets you on a deeper level, someone who’s not just there for the good times but who will stand by you through the challenges too. This kind of authentic connection is worth more than any societal ideal of a perfect relationship.

Conclusion

As we navigate this complex world of relationships, it's important to remember that our experiences as millennials are unique. We need to own our narratives and not let societal expectations dictate our journey in love. This journey should honestly, only be dictated by God. It's about finding someone who aligns with our authentic selves, who understands our struggles and shares our dreams.

Question…

• In your experience, how do you stay true to yourself while navigating the modern dating scene?

• What steps can you take to ensure that your relationships are built on a foundation of authenticity and mutual respect?

Let's open up the floor for discussion. Share your thoughts and experiences below. Let’s keep this conversation going and support each other in redefining what relationships mean for us in today's world.

Episode 304 | Waiting Well

Episode 303 | Are You Afraid To Be Uncomfortable In Your Anger?

Episode 302 | Our Testimony pt. 2

Episode 301 | Our Testimony pt. 1

Episode 207 | Many get this wrong, but YOU WON'T!

Episode 206 | "The Golden Rule" ... Abused 😲

We have heard the adage of "Loving Thy Neighbor" all our lives, but how do we truly apply this, and when is it used out of line?

The Story of the woman at the well (John 4: 7-26)

Then a woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give Me a drink”— 8For His disciples had gone off into the city to buy food— 9The Samaritan woman asked Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask me, a The Jews considered Samaritan women ceremonially unclean. Samaritan woman, for a drink?” (For Jews have nothing to do with Samaritans.) 10Jesus answered her, “If you knew [about] God’s gift [of eternal life], and who it is who says, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him [instead], and He would have given you living water (eternal life).” 11She said to Him, “Sir, The woman’s response is due to the fact that “living water” was the normal description for running water. She probably thought that Jesus was referring to the underground water source that fed the well. You have nothing to draw with [no bucket and rope] and the well is deep. Where then do You get that living water? 12Are You greater than our father Jacob (renamed Israel in Gen 32:28) was the son of Isaac, grandson of Abraham and father of the twelve sons who established the twelve tribes of Israel. Jacob, who gave us the well, and who used to drink from it himself, and his sons and his cattle also?” 13Jesus answered her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again. 14But whoever drinks the water that I give him will never be thirsty again. But the water that I give him will become in him a spring of water [satisfying his thirst for God] welling up [continually flowing, bubbling within him] to eternal life.” 15The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not get thirsty nor [have to continually] come all the way here to draw.” 16At this, Jesus said, “Go, call your husband and come back.” 17The woman answered, “I do not have a husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have correctly said, ‘I do not have a husband’; 18for you have had five husbands, and the man you are now living with is not your God does not regard cohabitation as marriage. Marriage is a binding, legal covenant between a man and a woman. husband. You have said this truthfully.” 19The woman said to Him, “Sir, I see that You are a prophet. 20Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews say that the place where one ought to worship is in Jerusalem [at the temple].” 21Jesus replied, “Woman, believe Me, a time is coming [when God’s kingdom comes] when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22You [Samaritans] do not know what you worship; we [Jews] do know what we worship, for salvation is from the Jews. 23But a time is coming and is already here when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit [from the heart, the inner self] and in truth; for the Father seeks such people to be His worshipers. 24God is spirit [the Source of life, yet invisible to mankind], and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” 25The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming (He who is called Christ—the Anointed); when that One comes, He will tell us everything [we need to know].” 26Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you, am He (the Messiah).”

Episode 204 | Misunderstood The Assignment! Are you a servant or just an opportunist?

It is very easy this day in age to confuse servitude with misrepresented opportunism. The question is, how do we avoid this? Let's find out in today's episode.

Episode 203 | THE AUDACITY to be offended?

In this episode we explore how and why others are offended by the christian faith. Where it's wrong, and where it doesn't add up.

Episode 202 | SUBMISSION! What’s The Issue?

With the social status where it is this day and age with relationships and the false emphasis, the high value man, and the independent woman. Where is the room for submission between man and woman. Let's explore it this week's episode.

Episode 201 | Refocused and Reloaded

In this episode of Refocused we welcome back Anthony and Essence for Season TWO of their show. In this episode they cover everything from resting when necessary, to parenting, to even more. Stay tuned for this episode and the remainder of season 2 for more great content.

Episode 110 | Season Finale

We hear that we should not judge others our whole lives, however we challenge that judgement should come with some parameters. Let's explore this conversation together.

Episode 109 | Opportunistic Opportunity

With so many people “deconstructing" their faith these days its only a given that there will be those who were once Christian in their business, but now a question mark. Should those individuals still make money while using something they don't believe in?

Episode 108 | Reconciliation is KEY

Many people in society today talk about the benefits of forgiveness being in their own hearts. While this is true, we believe that forgiveness has to be extended on to reconciliation as well. This can be a hard one to swallow because it involves humility and vulnerability on our own end.

Episode 107 | Relationships

Relationships. Everyone has them, some people want them, we ALL need them. The question is are you doing everything you can to make sure you are pursuing them, maintaining them, and most importantly, categorizing your relationship the proper way?